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extra catch-up, please
Dad had a stroke in early December. "very small" are the adjectives the doctors are using. only minorly affected his left side, but it took two ER visits with overnight stays over two weeks to figure out WTF was wrong. the initial high fever/no infection whatsoever may have been a warning sign missed.
a week-plus in hospital had him discharged to inpatient rehab, or Stroke Boot Camp. discharged from that to home with OT, PT, and home health visits.
through all of this, his attitude is that (1) he will fully recover to quite possibly better than pre-stroke abilities and (2) his eventual death is optional.
please bear with me while I scream into the void.
This week saw him on the phone with the VA, requesting additional OT/PT, mad that he's not fully recovered. oh, denial is deep enough to drown in in that house. At least he's using his rolling walker to get around.
Meanwhile, stepmom has breast cancer. but, at 80, that's hardly a thing to freak out over. it's stage 1, fully contained lumps like marbles that will be easy to evict. the docs are still working out what is where, so no surgery scheduled yet, but she's signed up with all the things for post-op assistance. and yet.
reluctantly spent the night up there on Tuesday, having lost power while single digits outside. while dad took his 8:30pm nap, I mentioned that they might want to consider getting a countertop microwave. Dad cannot lift either arm over his head, and according to her, at least, he can manage to get his coffee mug in/out of the over-stove microwave "OK." if it requires two hands, he can't do it.
post op, even if it's just lop-it-offa-me, not full removal of breast(s), there will be pain, lifting restrictions, and more. Denial came sweeping through the room like hurricane Helene, and the sour look on her face told me that she was NOT having any of this nonsense of having to make accommodations for her own recovery. Far too distasteful. even as a temporary measure. one agency she signed up with does meals. there will be microwaving of food, no doubt. why not suck it up and reduce the risk of harm to her or dad, even if temporarily?
I need to pass this on to The Boys. The Boys being her 3 sons, but also my brother. The Boys are all a distance away, while my brother and I are local. The Middle Child and only girl is going to end up being The Responsible Adult. Again.
Dad's stroke brought up some other unpleasant-to-the-parents stuff, like do they have DNRs or Healthcare POAs or what? They do, recently re-written. "oh, we have copies for you kids, but we just haven't given them to you yet," I am told, while my dad's left side is uncooperative. I get my hands on the copies of dad's DNR and POA stuff, but stepmom declines to provide copies of hers, even to mail to her kids. her kids promptly lose their shit that docs are being withheld. No, asshole, your mother can't be bothered. In all of this, the wills cannot be located (or parted with. copies, that is. copies made specifically so all five of us have them). I have the attorney's name and if push comes to shove, that'll get the ball rolling.
the mere mention of separating dad from his stuff sends him into a toddler panic-tantrum. I not-so-gently remind him that we can do this now, or we trash everything after he dies. Nearly 25 years in and he still can't part with what's essentially trash from mom. Very Expensive Professionals are going to be required to do this while he's alive.
the "regular" calls with middle stepbrothers have happened exactly once. I'll poke him this weekend, and share the microwave incident.
all through this, it's clear that everyone expects me to run this shitshow. Only girl. not and never married. no kids. 1 mile closer than my brother, and clearly no responsibilities. my thoughts on this all get increasingly uncharitable as time passes. I dig my heels in, mentally packing up my car to head southeast and never look back.
a week-plus in hospital had him discharged to inpatient rehab, or Stroke Boot Camp. discharged from that to home with OT, PT, and home health visits.
through all of this, his attitude is that (1) he will fully recover to quite possibly better than pre-stroke abilities and (2) his eventual death is optional.
please bear with me while I scream into the void.
This week saw him on the phone with the VA, requesting additional OT/PT, mad that he's not fully recovered. oh, denial is deep enough to drown in in that house. At least he's using his rolling walker to get around.
Meanwhile, stepmom has breast cancer. but, at 80, that's hardly a thing to freak out over. it's stage 1, fully contained lumps like marbles that will be easy to evict. the docs are still working out what is where, so no surgery scheduled yet, but she's signed up with all the things for post-op assistance. and yet.
reluctantly spent the night up there on Tuesday, having lost power while single digits outside. while dad took his 8:30pm nap, I mentioned that they might want to consider getting a countertop microwave. Dad cannot lift either arm over his head, and according to her, at least, he can manage to get his coffee mug in/out of the over-stove microwave "OK." if it requires two hands, he can't do it.
post op, even if it's just lop-it-offa-me, not full removal of breast(s), there will be pain, lifting restrictions, and more. Denial came sweeping through the room like hurricane Helene, and the sour look on her face told me that she was NOT having any of this nonsense of having to make accommodations for her own recovery. Far too distasteful. even as a temporary measure. one agency she signed up with does meals. there will be microwaving of food, no doubt. why not suck it up and reduce the risk of harm to her or dad, even if temporarily?
I need to pass this on to The Boys. The Boys being her 3 sons, but also my brother. The Boys are all a distance away, while my brother and I are local. The Middle Child and only girl is going to end up being The Responsible Adult. Again.
Dad's stroke brought up some other unpleasant-to-the-parents stuff, like do they have DNRs or Healthcare POAs or what? They do, recently re-written. "oh, we have copies for you kids, but we just haven't given them to you yet," I am told, while my dad's left side is uncooperative. I get my hands on the copies of dad's DNR and POA stuff, but stepmom declines to provide copies of hers, even to mail to her kids. her kids promptly lose their shit that docs are being withheld. No, asshole, your mother can't be bothered. In all of this, the wills cannot be located (or parted with. copies, that is. copies made specifically so all five of us have them). I have the attorney's name and if push comes to shove, that'll get the ball rolling.
the mere mention of separating dad from his stuff sends him into a toddler panic-tantrum. I not-so-gently remind him that we can do this now, or we trash everything after he dies. Nearly 25 years in and he still can't part with what's essentially trash from mom. Very Expensive Professionals are going to be required to do this while he's alive.
the "regular" calls with middle stepbrothers have happened exactly once. I'll poke him this weekend, and share the microwave incident.
all through this, it's clear that everyone expects me to run this shitshow. Only girl. not and never married. no kids. 1 mile closer than my brother, and clearly no responsibilities. my thoughts on this all get increasingly uncharitable as time passes. I dig my heels in, mentally packing up my car to head southeast and never look back.