on this day just like any other day
Sep. 11th, 2018 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
just_cydeveryone is getting all weepy and nostalgic about today. i have emotions, but they're very self-centered.
my mom had died three months prior to 9/11 (on 6/12), and i'd just spent the weekend with a guy i'd hoped would finally commit to me, but instead dumped (-ish) me. i was A Hot Mess. i drove home on Monday, in a daze. Tuesday was for sleeping in, laundry, and trying to put the pieces back together. My day didn't exactly go as planned.
I know very little about what happened during that time, because my life was consumed with grief and rejection and heartache and a father who couldn't function living alone for the first time ever. while the rest of the country cried over these strangers dying on TV, i was screaming inside about my mother, who i watched go into cardiac arrest. Front row seat, trying to feed her broth while her heart stopped beating and she turned unnatural colors and i started screaming for help. The dying part is nothing like Hollywood, but they get the "code blue"/drop and run part down pretty good. I was alone with her when it happened; my dad blamed me for her death, repeatedly, at her funeral. Issues? pfft. I've got the whole freaking newsstand.
That guy and I are still friends. better friends now, actually. In fact, a couple months after that weekend, he invited my dad, brother and I to Thanksgiving dinner at his mom's house. Two months later, his mom and my dad were engaged to be married. two months after that (and 9 months after my mom died, and 17 months after his dad died) our parents got married. So my ex-boyfriend is one of three stepbrothers.
so yeah, it's OK to have other memories associated with this (or any other) day. That doesn't make you cold, heartless, unAmerican or evil. it makes you HUMAN.
my mom had died three months prior to 9/11 (on 6/12), and i'd just spent the weekend with a guy i'd hoped would finally commit to me, but instead dumped (-ish) me. i was A Hot Mess. i drove home on Monday, in a daze. Tuesday was for sleeping in, laundry, and trying to put the pieces back together. My day didn't exactly go as planned.
I know very little about what happened during that time, because my life was consumed with grief and rejection and heartache and a father who couldn't function living alone for the first time ever. while the rest of the country cried over these strangers dying on TV, i was screaming inside about my mother, who i watched go into cardiac arrest. Front row seat, trying to feed her broth while her heart stopped beating and she turned unnatural colors and i started screaming for help. The dying part is nothing like Hollywood, but they get the "code blue"/drop and run part down pretty good. I was alone with her when it happened; my dad blamed me for her death, repeatedly, at her funeral. Issues? pfft. I've got the whole freaking newsstand.
That guy and I are still friends. better friends now, actually. In fact, a couple months after that weekend, he invited my dad, brother and I to Thanksgiving dinner at his mom's house. Two months later, his mom and my dad were engaged to be married. two months after that (and 9 months after my mom died, and 17 months after his dad died) our parents got married. So my ex-boyfriend is one of three stepbrothers.
so yeah, it's OK to have other memories associated with this (or any other) day. That doesn't make you cold, heartless, unAmerican or evil. it makes you HUMAN.
