Just Cyd.

Wednesday I gave up, took half a day PTO, and went to urgent care. it was the swollen tonsils that finally did me in, not being able to swallow without pain. my job is talking, and it was misery. Eyes still slightly goopy, still coughing up crud, maybe running a fever (none of my thermometers will register anything remotely normal on me).

Got into the Crumbl-adjacent urgent care quickly, and the checked me over. I was wildly uncooperative for the strep test (reflexes! I swear!), and agreed that "sinus infection" sounds like a solid diagnosis. got a shot of steroids to help with various inflammation, and three Rx for treatment: antibiotics, fluconozole because antibiotics, and cough syrup that knocks me on my ass.

Picked up soup and dumplings from the Asian place and a giant Diet Dr Pepper on my way home, and then crashed out. I felt too gross to want to stop in Crumbl; they didn't have my Pink Cookie this week, and the other offerings didn't appeal to me. roused myself long enough to get my drugs before the place closed, ingest some of everything, and crawl into bed. Ended up calling off Thursday, too, and spent it in a cough-syrup-induced coma, which was badly needed. not drinking enough, but WOW did uninterrupted sleep feel good.

All of this has dug up all manner of issues regarding illness and going to the doctor and the need for therapy to work this all out. I could type it all out, but I'm not really up for that just this moment. I think it's something I'll have to work out in bits, sit with it and separate what's my own formed opinion and what was forced on me.

feeling much better with drugs on board, and hoping to keep this trajectory so I'm delicately phlegm-free come mid-april.

like many of my friends, I just realized that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK. and I have TOMORROW to prepare for my trip to Asheville. whoops.

Nausea returned and has kept me down, so now I'm all panic/freak/stress.I did,at least, figure out how to pair my phone with this old logitech bluetooth keyboard, so typing on the fly will be easier, and I'm not spending $$ on a toy I truly don't need.

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Went on a limb and asked D if I could buy him and Z lunch on Saturday. If they're still in town, that is. who knows. I'll invite them to thanksgiving, too, if the convo steers that way. am I crazy? yeah, you betcha.

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Ben has covid. I've already told him that he is allowed to cancel my visit at any point, full stop. covid + end of semester + trip to visit tiktok hottie (which was already booked before I invited myself to crash) is a LOT to take on at once. I'm the most reasonable thing to cut.

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work continues to suck. There was a job posting yesterday that is the next logical step in the "career progression" but this morning it had vanished. So I emailed the hiring mgr. updated my career stuff in workday. notified my boss as I'm required to, since the jerk dragged his feet on getting my pay grade corrected and now nothing can be done until HR planning is over. fucker. Still need to puolish up that resume with my Mad Skillz and get it out there. not excited about haing to go back into the office (any office), but more money and less suckage would be a good thing. and, tbh, i might be going a bit feral. idk.

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ok, love this keyboard. sucks the tablet is dead, but being to type on real keys on my phone is fabulous!! maybe i'll be able to use this more and help keep the brain weasels calm. so much in these brainz. must get it all out! going to charge this baby up and maybe take her along to Asheville.

So it's August now? huh. quick summary, with more later/separately:
1. my little brother turned 50 on August 1st. 50, 3 kids, 2 grandkids, and just shy of 30 years with his job.
2. I've reconnected with Ben, hashed out our mutual misunderstandings, and are now messaging daily. silly stuff, serious stuff, the whole nine. sigh of relief to have my oldest (but younger, he'll point out!) friend back
3. work. i hates it! taking small steps in what I hope is the proper direction for me.
4. took a trip. climbed a tree drove 1500 miles in 4 days.
5. engaging more on social media scored me a nice interaction with Someone Famous, and then an opportunity that's had me hyped up for days
6. joined postcrossing. why the hell not? first card mailed, 2nd going out tomorrow
7. hit critical mass with health insurance/Rx/etc. need to figure that out so I can get much needed drugs. apparently amazon dot com has a mail order pharmacy, and that's what I have to use?!
8. Might maybe manic again. not sure how to tell. manic? really excited about something? over-caffeinated?
9. Concert #6 coming up on 8/8/23 in Cincy. booked a hotel room to ease the parking and driving home situations. booked a Lyft to get to the venue. plans for wednesday piling up. Keepsakes? lunch with Jo?
10. Dad continues to be dad. Diane needed some sort of biopsy done. we get info in bits and pieces, in not-timely manner and not always in logical order
11. booked a ticket for Mercury Stardust in Columbus.
12. nearly-weekly calls with Jo mean that i'm getting shit done. we talk up to 2.5 hours, and we're both chipping away at things during that time. it's amazing what I can get done when I'm focused on other things.
13. Still a crazy cat lady, still wanting all things Cat Lady Still not ready for another feline roommate.
14. sleep is jacked, big time.
15. I need to make this a daily habit, as there's too much in my brain screaming to get out at all times, and it can be rather inconvenient when something slips out unattended.

have you ever been so upset that work yourself into hysterics, crying and sobbing and screaming and the person you're mad at/wish (a parent or person of authority) keeps telling you to calm down or ignores you/mansplains/downplays your feelings and you get to the point that you either pass out or turn violent? That's what my boss DIDN'T see tonight.
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deep breath
( hold onto your hat, it's gonna be a wild ride )