Just Cyd.

Stage banter asked "what are the five stages of grief?" while introducing a new-to-me song. We shouted out "anger!" and "denial!" and "bargaining!" and made it to four when he suggested Buc-ees as the fifth stage of grief. we all laughed, at least some of us familiar enough with roadside haven to get the joke.


I was filming, my phone battery low, or I would have googled it for him. I think that was closest he got to ever saying his wife got sick and died, but i'l have to listen to it again to be sure. my phone completely dead about 5 songs from the end, I wasn't able to to fill in the blank as we grudgingly said goodbye. back at my hotel, he was online so I googled it and let him know:

ME:
We missed depression

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Not that I ever follow directions

HIM
I knew there were more than four!

ME:
I guess when depression is the default setting, you kinda forget about it?

HIM:
yeah, kind of a 60-cycle hum going through the whole thing

I should've stopped there. I didn't. too wound up, too thrilled to be chatting, too high on the thrill of whatever this is

ME:
for nearly 25 years now one of the tags I use in my online journaling is EKRcanKMA - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross can kiss my ass.

i'm currently too manic to notice any depression. like a toddler with the zoomies at bedtime.

-----

sleeping away my day, it occurred to me that Buc-ees is a good substitute for Depression, as it offers all the things Depression robs from your life: clean bathrooms, an amazing selection of food and drinks and toys and impulse buys and light, such violently bright light. I'm told the Richmond KY store can been for miles at night by the glow of the lights, an oasis in the dark hills of rural Kentucky.

They're also overrun with tourists, and there's nothing tourists love more than swarming in on a tragedy, dispensing pleasantries and platitudes, and then scurrying back to the bus for the ride to the next stop.

Dreams of a similar sort speckled my slumber - running away, by bicycle not car, in familiar cities changed by perspective of mode of transportation. searching for help and not finding it. Eventually running into him, the tractor beam of i-still-don't-know-what pulling me into his orbit, into his arms, into his promise of a steady, solid something. A message, in my ear, via his lips directly or via voice mail, assures me "I'm OK. We're OK. It's all OK." The tone is one used with an inconsolable child, a distraught friend, someone on the brink, someone who prefers the alternate ending to Cocoon. I took the "we" to be us two, not any other obvious groupings (his band, his family, his community), because that's what fits my delusional waking narrative.

-----

At the end of the night, he told me didn't know I was there until several songs into the show. Aghast, I exclaimed "I was sitting right in front of you! How could possibly miss all this?!", gesturing to my heft, my girth.

They took a break a good hour into their set, Jess's request. I stood up to move my aching bones, and he found me, said hello, and then offered a hug in case he didn't get to do so later, but then promising he would see me. I assume(d) that I was the cause for these decisions. don't rock the boat, don't anger the highly unstable woman. He hugged me again at the end of the night, and with both, I felt more the warm fuzziness of his velvet blazer against my cheek than his arms around me, disconnected from my self. We held on tightly, but briefly. The promise of Saturday's show giving me hope that it's not a "goodbye forever" but just a "farewell for now."

up until I set foot in that decommissioned church, I was a Very Hot Mess, on the very far end of the Scoville scale, crying multiple times over songs and scenarios my brain would conjure up and the brainweasels would run off with, leaving me bereft behind the wheel and nowhere to pull off. Once in the door, though, I had A Purpose - feed everyone! - and the music either melted away my worries, or threw me deep in denial and held me under for two-plus hours. I fully expected to cry at least one song more if they made the set list (not knowing the set list and show was fully Australian Rules music - "the rules are THERE ARE NO RULES!"). driving back to my hotel with a phone that was just being resurrected, but not willing to provide direction, I did mostly fine, as it was just two turns and a long dark road back to the interstate, and I roughly knew how far and which exit. back in the hotel room, well, scroll up to see what happened.

Asheville was the first city to get a repeat visit, but The Eno House is officially the first venue I've been to more than once on this musical road-tripping of mine. John Gillespie of Nikki Meets the Hibachi got to open up for his musical hero Alexa Rose, and it was a delight from start to finish.

[let's get the obvious out of the way. Privately I've slipped and called her "Alexis Rose" and only once, privately, made an "ew David!" crack. No on else appeared to make such faux pas publicly, and for that I was relieved]

Although it was just my second visit, three separate people knew me and greeted me like a long-time friend. First was Richard Greenway, the pastor that runs the place; followed quickly by John, who ran through a flurry of emotions at me actually making the drive to hear him perform; and then Mike Allen, owner of the Wake Forest Listening Room and one-half of the duo responsible for my initial, and personal, introduction to Darren Jessee.

Just like in January, the space filled up quickly, and the energy was amazing. Another one of those "no matter what happens, this will be worth it. I young couple came in just before things got going, and i waved them over to my table. They'd come over from Durham, first-timers, so I shared what I knew of the place. After the usual introductions by Rich, John Gillespie took the stage. It was just him, a microphone, and this odd-to-me little hybrid acoustic/electric guitar. It was John's earnestness that drew me back to see him again, and he did not disappoint. One of the songs he played was just released on Bandcamp - Letter Never Sent. Go give it a listen.

John had the pleasure of introducing the headliner, Alexa Rose. All I knew of her going in was his cover of her song Anywhere, Ohio, and that he was full-on fan-girling over her. His admiration of her was so pure, and he was so overcome with emotion that I don't think he got through any of the intro or her performance without shedding tears.

Only got the one picture of them and what you can't tell is that she's fighting with her tuner and apologizing to us for the trouble. She and Josh Oliver sang and played beautifully, using no amps, just a single mic. They'd move in closer or back up to change the sounds, and it worked beautifully. Bill West (the sound guy) really knows his stuff.

First concert of the year was last month! I should really write about it.

I drove to Hillsborough, NC to see Mike Garrigan at the Eno House Artists Den. He was the opener for his friends Nikki Meets the Hibachi, and they were both amazing!

On the accessibility front, the Eno House is an old boxy church with half a dozen steps to get inside. There is a ramp up the side, which I'm sure could be used if needed. Once inside, everything was on that one level (including restrooms), and the only issue with navigating would be once the place got packed full and extra chairs were brought out to accommodate everyone. Dunno if it was a sell-out, but it certainly was well-attended. My hopes of seeing other musicians, like Darren or Zach or Mike's former bandmates, were dashed, but there were a LOT of people there I didn't recognize who appeared to be part of the NC/Piedmont music scene, so that's cool.

The place was well-staffed, all with people in black "STAFF" tshirts. Very official. the building is a de-commissioned church, but loosly affiliated with a nearby church, and the money raised was going to help fund a literacy camp for the neighborhood kids. The building serves as a community center now, with all manner of things available. Kinda wish I lived closer so I could attend the weekly writers workshop.

The room was set up with small round tables up front with 4 chairs each, then a few rows of old pews, then tall bistro tables and stools behind that. I picked the table up front on the far right, opposite side of the place from the vintage Steinway. It was set up so Mike would be facing the same direction as me; I couldn't see his face, but I could see his hands. I also prefer to be out of the way and have a view of the whole room, even if I'm not near an exit. He was milling about, talking to people, looking very Corporate Dad. He did not make it over to me, and about 7:15 or so, he started to play. He had an actual set list on his phone, which he set on the piano. He opened with The Architect, which he wrote as an intro-to-a-set piece. He spoke a bit between songs, talking about the new ones and the old, how some of them came to be, etc. he had to turn quite a bit to see the full room. He was playing all of my faves (but let's face it, all of his songs are my faves right now), but he was pretty far in and had not yet played Dive.

You see, at the beginning of the year I signed up to be an annual supporter of his on Bandcamp. He made a post in the community sharing that he'd be recording all of his shows this year, and sharing the best of each, and if we had any requests to please let him know. A few people discussed what they'd like to hear in general. I posted that I would be at the Eno House show, and would like to hear Dive. He said he'd get it on the set list. I didn't know if he'd just play it, and that would be that, or if he would say it was a request and pitch Bandcamp, or what. Near the end of his set, he turned to the audience and asked "Was there someone flying? driving? in from Ohio for the show?" "yep! that's me" i piped up and shot up my hand. He had to turn quite far to see me, but did make eye contact. he turned back to the microphone and asked "and did you have a request you wanted me to play?" and did the huge fake winking thing at me. while people chuckled, he stage whispered "we worked this out in advance" to more laughter. I spoke up, quite clearly, and confirmed "yes, I would love it if you would play Dive" and then did my best to keep my shit together while he sang his heart out. as soon as the song was over, a guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder as he got up and said "good call on requesting Dive" and I thanked him.

As soon as Mike's set was over, he made a beeline over to me. one of his first questions was "so, do you know people down here...?" and was appropriately shocked when I said no. gave him the tl;dr version of living my life, and mentioned I'd be back for Tom Maxwell's book release. after a few minutes, he moved on, and the second band hit the stage.

Nikki Meets the Hibachi is yet another "wow, how did I not know about them???" gems. Elaine and John, on acoustic guitars, singing with harmonies. SOLD. and they are both just the nicest people you'll ever meet. It must be a requirement for NC musicians or something. They had some backing from Amy Ray to get an EP out a while back, but have been at this since the late 80s. there were some tech issues that i didn't really notice but had them fussing, and things ran a bit late ("I promised some people they'd be outta here by 9; some of us have to go to work tomorrow"), but it was just amazing. Got to talk to John Gillespie after the show, and he is also sweet as pie (and has really soft hands - how does a guitarist get soft hands?). mentioned to him and to the Eno House people that they need to get Darren Jessee to play there.