Just Cyd.

You'd think with the bonus day, I could manage to fit in a concert in February? No such luck. March, however, is going to make up for it!

The venue
The Grey Eagle is in the River Arts District of Asheville, and southwest of the main city center. It's an older area of industrial buildings, mid-1900s homes, and gentrification and development. I got to town early enough that I scoped out the location in advance, and I'm glad I did. The un-widened roads that wound around up and down the hilly landscape made it pretty clear that parking, while free, was at a premium, and my offhanded thought of "I could just take a rideshare" would be the way to go.

It's a single story cement building that could have been pretty much anything in a past life. Accessibility was the norm for this type of building: maybe one step up to get in (minus the gravel parking lot), room enough to get in, make the turn to the hall leading to the music room and restrooms. The bar would be harder to navigate for someone in a chair, but the place wasn't so packed that no one could move. There was a steeper transition from the bar to the music hall than I was prepared to encounter (multiple times. klutz), which makes me think that the beautiful wood floor (or perhaps that whole section) had been added at a later date.

The bar & restaurant
the bar offered the usual local brews, with some wine and liquor, along with a fair selection of NA drinks (bottled root beer and mineral water were my two picks), plus giant dispensers of ice water on opposite ends of the room. You can tell I don't get out much if I find this a nice perk. They also run a taqueria, but the kitchen closes at 9, and I missed the chance to try it out.

The staff was all friendly, there was lots of outdoor space, the restrooms were clean and spacious (and not right next to the stage). The place had a great vibe, and I'd see another show there for sure, and get there extra early to get a bite to eat, too.

Darren Jessee
Darren and Zach were fresh off a show the night before in Atlanta, also opening for Chatham County Line. I ran into Zach in passing, and while I saw Darren in the bar, he was talking to a couple (his producer Alan, I think) and didn't see me, and we never connected after that. CCL's steel pedal player sat in on about half the songs, which was a cool twist. The volume balance seemed off, though, and the pedal steel got lost a bit at times. His set was shorter than normal by a couple songs, and he cut one song short. I think the crowd on the far side was giving him shit, and he was having none of it. First he said "Stay with me, folks," and then a minute or so later he shot back "Hey, you bought the ticket" to someone. Ouch. He did NOT play his brand new single, and I wonder if the decision was made based on the crowd?

Chatham County Line
I knew nothing about these guys going in, except what I'd read on the "about" section of the ticket purchase page. Clearly, everyone in Asheville knows about these guys, and they were ready to rock stomp. Joke's on them hecklers, though: Darren played drums with CCL! From what I gather, having a drummer is a new thing for the band, and while someone else had drumming credits on their most recent album,, I wonder if Darren is taking over for the tour? He has done gig/tour drumming for many different bands, so it's not out of the question. Anyway, it was a thrill for me, as I've never seen him on the drums before. soft-spoken acoustic guitarist to cymbal-smashing beast in just 20 minutes!

The band proper consisted of Dave Wilson on lead vocals/guitar/harmonica, John Teer on mandolin/banjo/fiddle plus harmonies, and Greg Readling on upright bass, the aforementioned pedal steel, and harmonies. three part harmony? I'm in! John Teer was probably the standout of the three, killing it on a fiddle bit that turned into a solo while the rest of the band got a break off-stage, to the intro to another song. just enough of the "show-off" to reel everyone in, but not so arrogant as to be off-putting. Dave Wilson had this really cool way of getting his guitars on/off around his 10 gallon hat that looked like a magic trick.

Getting there
I scheduled my Lyft once I got to my hotel, and the 5.5 mile drive cost $22 plus tip. I waited less than 10 minutes for the return Lyft, and it was $14 plus tip. (Uber doesn't have the ability to schedule a ride in advance, and I've great luck/service with Lyft)

If envy is green, and sadness is blue, and anger is red, what is despair? Lonliness? Jealous rage that you have no business harboring but you do anyway because on the scale of Elsa to Javert, you make him looks like a well-adjusted member of society.

What color is the emptiness of holding onto things that you hope will be, maybe, someday, despite all evidence to the contrary? I've spent 2023 living my best life, but there's still a chasm inside me.

"Will that be enough
when you get what you want
Will that be enough
Will you be alright
If you let me go"

Darren Jessee asks in his song Will That Be Enough (Central Bridge 2023, Bar/None Records)

But what if you don't know what you want? You head towards something, and you start getting close, and realize "nope, not this. Not now."? Then what? I'm awash in a sea of dishwater grey and dull beige, not enough bold enough to be the puke brown you get when you mix all the colors together. So much is missing, there's no color to stand out.

I'm dragging my feet on some things, barging ahead in other things, putting my eggs in the wrong baskets and hoping like hell I can somehow limp through another month of dodging overdue bills and avoiding rage-quitting my job while somehow finding a new therapist & psychiatrist and then convincing them that the meds are maybe not working so well after all because who in their right, adequately-medicated mind would be suffering the brain weasels and dark thoughts that never.go.away.

Lack of ticket info has me reluctant to make he trek to Carrboro for Darren's Jan 19th show, and lack of funds pretty much cements it. But there are two events in April i will be attending, and I wonder if this time will be the time I just don't come back?

I'm not going to separate my venue review for this show, because the Moody Motel is a private residence! It's been a decade or two since I've been to a house concert, but they are increasingly popular with the small bands I'm seeing on all the socials. the hosts were fantastic, the event was in their front room, with room to move about in the kitchen and living room behind, so accessibility would've only been an issue had we arrived super-late and had to park far away. Lights were dim in the front and back rooms, with lots of candles (most electric) and other dim lighting to set the mood. I spied a kitty at one point, who was clearly not a fan of the crowd.

A house concert is nothing like a show at a bar. We were greeted by Jill, who welcomed us warmly and shared my joke about our mothers haunting us if we didn't do right as hostess and guest (her showing us around, and me producing the baked goods and beer to be shared). I'd been commenting on the Instagram posts, so once the word "cookies" was sounded, several people approached me to say hi and confirm i really DID drive in all the way from Ohio. A few were shocked to hear this was my 5th show of the year. One guy, Lance, pulled me aside and asked how I found out about Darren's shows, as he's yet to figure out how to get the info to come to him. I told him I stalk IG/FB and his website, but that the summer shows first appeared on Spotify. I joked that I was going to demand Darren let me take over his social media, but I wasn't 100% kidding.

The vibe was nice and chill, and eventually I saw Darren and Zach and waved hello, figuring we'd chat at some point. Many people were meeting them for the first time, and let's face it, we're old friends by now. heh. Ben was rather subdued, but introduced himself around, and the "where do you live?" game was played. He lives by a drive-in theater on the south side of town, which everyone immediately knew of. It was that or use the uber-racist name for the neighborhood. Eventually someone recognized his Pedro t-shirt du jour, and the two of them launched into Pedro-talk for quite a while.

At one point, Darren approached me and began talking about the book I'd given him, and how some friends of his spoke highly of her, and how much he enjoyed it. He's got such a soft voice that he's hard to hear in loud rooms, but it was a lovely conversation. He'd read Al Jolson, and talked about the chimp/gorilla that lied, and compared it to his line "I'm the boy who fell in and got the gorilla killed" -- the actual meaning being doing something for one reason but it having vastly different (bad) consequences. I chided him for the Harambe reference and confessed I have a very hard time seeing past the literal meaning of that line. I spoke a bit about how Hempel is the reason I write, and have been writing since I was a teen, and the challenges I have writing fiction. As always, there wasn't enough time, and he got pulled away by someone else.

Lance, another super-fan, had a box full of albums he wanted Darren to sign, but did not have with him the three that were for sale. He asked if I had paypal; I do. Then he asked if I had Venmo. I do. Darren was accepting Venmo (that's new), but Lance only had PayPal, so he asked if he could PayPal me the $$ for the albums, and I make the purchase via Venmo. I agreed. we completed the transaction, and I put in the note "for Lance, i promise!" and made him go tell Darren, so Darren wouldn't get mad at me. That was the first time I've ever seen Darren with his phone out, and it was just long enough to see the transaction, and then it was back into his pocket. an aside -- the cash price for his albums has always been $20. This is the first I've seen him take venmo, and I was happy to see the price increase, if only to cover the transaction fees associated with digital payments.

Then out of nowhere, Jay Gonzalez started playing. The show was a sell-out (40 people) and it got a little tight as we all moved forward to better hear and see. at one point, Jay had a tiny keyboard (smaller than a melodica) strapped to his guitar and was playing both. crazy. He didn't sound anything like Drive By Truckers, but I didn't hate it. after one song, he quipped "I'd always wanted to write a bosa nova about cunnilinguis" and the crowd lost it.

Eventually Darren and Zach took the floor, and Ben and I moved over to the side, on their right, to have a better view. I know that Darren often turns to look at Zach while playing, and when he plays his keyboard he'd be facing us, and that's what I wanted. Going into the show he was very calm and relaxed. He'd had a beer or two, and he really seemed to be vibing. At one point, he said "Zach, it's too quiet. Can someone grab something off a shelf and break it?" and we all chuckled. none of the bar background noise, no people coming and going, no TVs or loud conversations, just 40 people focused on the music. Some where there for Darren or Jay; others were there because they'd attended prior events and loved the atmosphere. either way, we all wanted to be there. Ben commented later that a few times Darren looked very please with himself, like he'd hit a chord/note just right, and had that look of bliss when things just line up perfectly. I have to agree. He got a little funky with the phrasing in a few songs which was nice to hear, loosening up a bit. Zach didn't have a microphone, so his harmonies weren't nearly as prominent, but he still added a lot to it. He played a song or two I'd not heard him play this year, but still no Wild Ascending Blue. I need to ask him about that; I'm guessing there's just not room in the Subaru for a 2nd acoustic guitar?

After the show we got to chat with Zach, and someone asked how he and Darren got connected. Zach had been hired to be a guitar tech for Hiss Golden Messenger when Darren was playing drums, and they toured together. sometiem after that, Darren called him up. Zach is in his own band, Canine Heart Sounds, where he plays keys and guitar and drums, plus sings. We talked with others that we hadn't seen prior to the show, and had many a good laugh with other fans. it was also quite apparent that the crowd was pretty queer-leaning, and the Moodys were queer-friendly. they had a rainbow flag in the main room with the words "abide no hatred" and the sign on the bathroom door was the one with "whatever, just wash your hands" on it. Ben loved it.

I'd told Ben prior to the show that his mission, if he was up for it, was to get a pic of me with Darren. I've never bothered to even ask up until now, but figured I could make my friend be The Bad Guy :) so finally, I have proof that I've met Darren Fucking Jessee. Ben only took the one shot, and Darren was mid-blink, but that's OK, there's other photos, and it was a perfect way to end the night.

like many of my friends, I just realized that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK. and I have TOMORROW to prepare for my trip to Asheville. whoops.

Nausea returned and has kept me down, so now I'm all panic/freak/stress.I did,at least, figure out how to pair my phone with this old logitech bluetooth keyboard, so typing on the fly will be easier, and I'm not spending $$ on a toy I truly don't need.

*~*~*~*~*
Went on a limb and asked D if I could buy him and Z lunch on Saturday. If they're still in town, that is. who knows. I'll invite them to thanksgiving, too, if the convo steers that way. am I crazy? yeah, you betcha.

*~*~*~*~
Ben has covid. I've already told him that he is allowed to cancel my visit at any point, full stop. covid + end of semester + trip to visit tiktok hottie (which was already booked before I invited myself to crash) is a LOT to take on at once. I'm the most reasonable thing to cut.

*~*~*~
work continues to suck. There was a job posting yesterday that is the next logical step in the "career progression" but this morning it had vanished. So I emailed the hiring mgr. updated my career stuff in workday. notified my boss as I'm required to, since the jerk dragged his feet on getting my pay grade corrected and now nothing can be done until HR planning is over. fucker. Still need to puolish up that resume with my Mad Skillz and get it out there. not excited about haing to go back into the office (any office), but more money and less suckage would be a good thing. and, tbh, i might be going a bit feral. idk.

~*~*~*~*
ok, love this keyboard. sucks the tablet is dead, but being to type on real keys on my phone is fabulous!! maybe i'll be able to use this more and help keep the brain weasels calm. so much in these brainz. must get it all out! going to charge this baby up and maybe take her along to Asheville.

Although I'd bought the ticket a month earlier, I didn't decide to attend Darren's Greensboro show until a couple nights before. It was a mad scramble to figure out accommodations (first place I booked canceled on me), the ticket (my physical ticket never arrived), and paying for it, but in the end, it all worked out.

I was on the road at 7:15am just as a torrential downpour hit. Not cool. It let up as I headed southeast out of Dayton, and it was rainy/misty until I hit WV. I remembered to not gawk too much once I crossed the state line, but failed to bring cash for the WV Turnpike tolls; they'll let you through, but you'll pay a $5 penalty PER TOLLBOOTH for failing to pay. ouch. I will be getting that EZpass.

Virginia bought the beginning of the gorgeous fall colors, and heavy fog. loved the former, terrified by the latter. Turns out NOT being able to see what's over the guardrails is worse than being able to see the drop-offs and whatnot. This is also roughly where I lose my signal, which includes my GPS and streaming music. hooray for downloaded tunes!

my Airbnb was lovely, a large room with ensuite bath in a first-floor apartment just south of downtown. It was maybe five minutes to the venue/parking.

As I was approaching the venue, I saw Darren and Zach crossing the street, but was too far away to catch them. So I went on in to the bar, grabbed a drink, and caught them by surprise when they came in a few minutes later. They both seemed happy/surprised to see me, and once again Darren told me I shouldn't be making the drive. They still had to write up their set list, so they got down to business and texted a friend.

They were both a lot more relaxed than when I saw them in Catskill, which was good to see. I can only guess the sort of pre-gaming they took part in, or maybe just being so close to home took the pressure off. they had virtually no room to move on the tiny stage packed with the headliner's gear, but Darren rolled with it, joking that they were going to forego the whole setup and just stick to guitar and keys. They opened with Anything You Need, and played at least 3 Hotel Lights songs. When no one really reacted to that band name, he joked that they were really good, and we should look them up. I tried to yell "their lead singer is hot!!" but couldn't get it to come out. He also mentioned having his albums for sale, or buying them online, on your phone, to listen to, on your phone... (no, Darren, tell us how you really feel). He flubbed the beginning of one of his older songs, and just rolled with it, starting over and laughing it off.

After the show, we did get to chat a bit. He asked what other bands I'd seen lately (HS Marching Bands and Better than Ezra), and we laughed about me re-living the 90s. I told him I'd be at his Atlanta show for sure, bringing a friend, and he let me know it's a house concert. "oh, cool, I like house concerts" I told him. he was surprised i'd heard of them, let alone been to one. As I was leaving, I remembered I had a book for him in my car - Amy Hempel's Collected Stories. Told him I was too tired to go fetch it, and he said I should just bring it to Atlanta.

Tickets for Asheville and Atlanta have been purchased, now to figure out the rest!

One of those traits (annoying or telling, you decide) I've had since childhood is the need to make lists and catalog things, and to do it in such exacting detail that it's all but impossible to maintain.

Of all of those various lists and catalogings, I find occasionally that I really DO want to know how on earth I ended up at a particular website/article/book/song. You see, my friends and I like a bit of a sport with one-upping one another with the weird and wacky, and sometimes my contributions are so far out in left field that I have to cite my sources or, rather, show how I got there.

With books, I finally created tags in Goodreads that say "rec-xxxxx" for the person or source (NPR) of the book. Because with 1400 books marked as "want to read" I need to know WHY I want to read this, too.

FUN FACT: I began logging the books I read back in February 1995 while working at a Casino in Atlantic City, NJ. They told me to bring a book when they hired me, as there was a lot of down time. Cashiers and bartenders would swap books, but I found I'd get partway through a book only to realize I'd already read it. So out came the little hardback notebook, and The List began. 100 books read between Feb 1995 and July 1996. Yep, I had a lot of down time.

Lately, it's music that is the Big Thing, and I have no real way of documenting how I find these people, at least not easily. So, here is the Quick and Dirty Daisy Chain Of Rabbit Holes that Led Me to Getting a Facebook Post Liked By Mike Garrigan:

1 Ben Folds Five --> 2 Hotel Lights --> 3 Darren Jessee --> 4 Nic Brown --> 5 Athenaeum --> 6 Mark Kano --> 7 Mike Garrigan

Simple, eh? No? OK, let me explain:

1-3
Last August, I was still working in the office full-time, in an office with a door I kept shut (bliss!). I needed music to keep my brain happy, so spotify was my friend. I got a hankering for Ben Folds Five, so I dug into their catalog and re-discovered their awesomeness. Dug into YouTube as well, and at the end of the Ben Folds Five - Live at UNC Memorial Hall, 2008 ('Front to Back' Reunion), Ben introduces the drummer as "Darren Jessee of Hotel Lights" and my ears perked up. A few of the YouTube concerts had comments mentioning Darren's solo work, but this band name was new to me. Dug into YouTube and found his songs and actual videos. It was pretty much an instant switch from BFF to DJ right then and there.

3-4
Began following Darren on All The Socials, and he mentioned an upcoming album, etc. He doesn't post much, but Instagram stories are the most common. One was just a photo of a book, which looks interesting. I get the book from the library and read it in one sitting, had a bit of a cry, read it again (and then later the audiobook because why not?). Followed Nic on Instagram, and learned Nic's wife Abby did the cover art for Darren's newest album.

4-5
Most of the time spent with Nic's book I was focused on the career shift stuff, not that he was in a band. HE WAS IN A BAND. IN CHAPEL HILL. Darren is mentioned both IN the book and in the acknowledgements at the end. Said band had a moderately successful late-90s hit. after too many weeks, I finally realized I needed to look up this band. Athenaeum. Found their hit song from their 20 year reunion show" in 2018, and the second that singer opened his mouth, it was all over. who is this man, and where has he been hiding. Turns out that's Mark Kano, the very Mark Kano that Nic started this band with back when Nic was still a very young teen. That's a voice with depth and range and damn where was I when this band was popular?? oh. right. Dig thought the Tubes of You, and get my paws on pretty much everything this band has released. sweet!

5-6
And while digging up All Things Athenaeum, I learn that Mark Kano has done solo work. Similar to Athenaeum, but more mature in other ways. Vocally, this dude's got range and potential - almost reminds me of someone who had done musical theater/broadway. quickly downloaded his stuff from Bandcamp

6-7
in watching Athenaeum, I noticed the other guitarist also sings, and seems to hold his own. Took a while to realize the guy in the early videos is one guy (Grey Brewster) and the bald guy in the later videos/reunion show is another (Mike Garrigan). On Bandcamp, Mark goes so far as to recommend Mike. so I check out Mike, and am immediately bowled over by his song Satellites. after a bunch of listens, I was prompted to buy the damn songs already, so I did. And last night, I posted to Instagram about it, forgetting that insta cross-posts to facebook, and this morning i discovered that Mike Garrigan himself liked that FB post. [just now, snagging the link to the post, I see he liked it on Instagram as well!]

And that, my friends, is how I find myself where I am today.

While my trip to Durham was specifically to see Darren Jessee perform, the trip was so much more than that.
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I feel like i need a hashtag - "doing it for Darren" or "Darren made me do it"! No, Darren hasn't actually made me DO anything, but when he schedules a bunch of shows, and you see one that's only 700 miles away, you jump on it.
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