Durham, NC
Sep. 9th, 2023 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
just_cydWhile my trip to Durham was specifically to see Darren Jessee perform, the trip was so much more than that.
First, this was the first solo road trip ever. Every other trip I've taken has either been with someone else, or for the purpose of visiting someone else. On this trip, there was no one expecting me on the other end; I was on my own.
Second, this is the first trip I've planned out by myself. Yes, the whole thing was a bit crazytrain, and I didn't do even a fraction of things I wanted to, and some things didn't go my way, but overall, it was wonderful and only made me want to do more of this!
The drive down was only eventful in that I encountered construction, and a couple VERY hungry potholes. northern VA had one that was the outer third on each side of the left lane, which had taken out TWO semis and a handful of passenger cars. I feel VERY fortunate that I was not a victim. I only had one near-miss with rest stops, and quickly learned to stop when I can, and not wait until it's critical. I'd packed my cooler and a bag, so I really didn't need to stop for food. Jo prepared me for the $4.25 cash only tolls in WV - three each way! - so I was prepared for that. I also had the foresight to download music from Bandcamp to my phone so when I lost my signal in the mountains, I had backup music to listen to. I also had my maps, Delorme, and AAA TripTik for directions, but I was good with just following highway signs until the last bits.
By our strange luck, Jo was going to be in Greensboro that whole week! And she was amenable to meeting for lunch/dinner on my way through. Construction and stops put be behind schedule at least two hours, so it was dinnertime when I finally landed at her friend's house. We hit a little Mediterranean place, and I stuck with hummus and pita, anxious to get on the road.
I pulled up to the house at dusk, cutting it right at the updated 9pm arrival time I'd given the hosts. There wasn't a "too late" time, but I didn't want to be rude. Lovely old neighborhood with huge trees and fantastic homes, lots of people out walking their dogs. I got there as Kim and Mary Ann were also returning, which lessened my stress a LOT. I was an amazing bit of luck - their yard was full of signs supporting LGBTQ+, reproductive and racial rights. they both drove Subarus, and clearly worked with animal rescue. I was amongst my people. I could be myself and not worry one bit. Mary Ann grabbed my suitcase and hauled it upstairs like it was nothing, and showed me around.
After finding the venue in Downtown Durham during my research, I knew I wanted to stay somewhat close, knowing the show would be late. Turns out everything in downtown Durham is way out of my price range ($400/night? yeah, no.). I looked at motels further afield, but either the reviews were super scary, or they were so far out that I didn't like that idea. So I went the Airbnb route. I found this adorable room with shared bathroom just a few minutes from downtown for a really, really great rate. I booked 3 nights, and with fees and such it was about $185. I wasn't thrilled by sharing a bathroom, but that ended up being a non-issue, as was there being another guest there in the yellow room. She was at a conference, and I only heard her moving around once. The room was just as pictured, and opening the windows made it nice and breezy and pleasant.
The hosts had a minifridge stocked with yogurt, fruit and other snacks, plus the fixings for cereal, tea, and coffee. there was no microwave, so I planned accordingly. Having First Breakfast foods available was quite welcome, as I was a bit of a slow starter Thursday and Friday mornings. I did put some of my drinks and such in the fridge, and left a note of what was mine. Later I realized what I thought were ice packs in the freezer were actually bags of breast milk the other guest had been pumping. At that point I realized I probably had no worries about her taking my stuff.
Thursday was concert day, but it was way later that night, so I had the whole day to fill. I got dresses, found the venue after passing under the Can Opener Bridge, which was on my list! hooray! I pointed the car to Chapel Hill, as most of what I wanted to see or do was down that way, and got to experience Triangle Traffic. o.0 First stop was Rise for breakfast, and what turned out to be my only meal of the day. I guess their biscuits AND loaded tots was too much? urp. From there is was mostly driving. On down into Chapel Hill proper, down Rosemary and around to Cat's Cradle, then on out to Isley St where i only slowed a tiny bit, and did not dare to stop, after not one but two people had just been killed in the previous weeks for knocking on the wrong door or pulling into the wrong driveway (not in NC, but still - my only after-dark venture was the return from the concert). Next up was Flyleaf books, because I could. Picked up some little things, and ordered a book to be signed by the author, to be shipped to me later. I'd meant to do that ahead of time to pick up when I got there, but kept second-guessing myself. This was one of many stops where I mentioned why I was in town, and it turned out that no one really cared. I was half a mile from where BFF wrote and recorded their best album, and ambivalence was the best I could get? Maybe this is a "me" problem?
I drove around a bit more, and was beginning to hit the wall, so I headed back to the house and decided a short nap would be a good idea. Terrified of over-sleeping, I set multiple alarms. I didn't really sleep, but rested and drifted and low-key regretted my second breakfast decisions. All rested, I showered and got ready for the show. I did my hair as best I could with dollar store mousse (having forgot to bring any hair product at all), then suited up in blue jeans, my "I'm with the Banned" tee, yellow plaid flannel, and stompy shoes (Dr Martens) with mis-matched socks. No one would see the socks, as my jeans are quite long even with the extra sole of the stompy shoes, but there's something about mismatched socks that makes me smile. I still had a while to go, though. I had visions of a block-long line to get in the door and full-up parking garages, but that ended up not being an issue. I'd downloaded and set up the app for Durham parking, but it turned out DPAC had an event going, so I got to pay the event parking price - in cash! Glad I thought to tuck that extra $10 in my phone.
Cane was not optional for this, and I decided early on that I would be unapologetic about it. it's no different than needing glasses, right? Darren wears glasses. My only regrets were that she had no name (and still doesn't!), and she was still boring black. I hobbled the half-block from the parking garage to the Pinhook, found no line, and walked into a basically empty venue. sigh. I had my mask at the ready, as the website said they were required, but the guy at the door waved it off - no one else was masked. I pulled up the digital ticket, but didn't need to show ID, and got the wristband. Asked about the show start time, low-key joking about being early. He confirmed the posted start time, but said "they're musicians, they'll go on when they're ready" with the tiniest bit of a smirk. Uh oh. Was Darren going to be like that?
Went to the bar and got a diet coke, deciding against trying to figure out the zero-proof drink menu (and the associated expense - $11+ for a drink?!) the bar ran along the wall on the right side, and there were restrooms (not gender specific) and an office, i think, along the left wall for the front half of the building, and then it opened up into the larger room with the stage at the back. the bar had a handful of stools and a couple tables up front, and the performance area had benches with fixed tables along the left and right walls, and in front of the sound board. at first I sat on the left, then realized with people standing I'd never see the stage. So i got up and sat in front of the sound board. again, I saw a couple tall people milling around (one turned out to be Zach Hegg, part of Darren's band), so I moved to the right wall. Eventually two guys about my age came in and sat at the end closest to the stage. They were clearly friends, and knew Darren. after a bit one of them (Holden) goes downstairs to chat with Darren and came back to report Darren was fine. That's when the conversation happened that led me to meet Darren. After my return from the basement Green Room, Holden and Mike were quite friendly and introduced me to a few other people, like Jay Brown, the bassist. Mike told me about running the Wake Forest Listening Room, but how covid had sort of killed that. (IT LIVES!!) As we waited, more people came in, but it was still a pretty thin crowd - 10 of us total sitting on the right side of the place, maybe another dozen more milling around - it was hard to tell who was in Darren's band (he had four guys with him), who was Pinhook staff, and who were paying customers. Having a beer in hand did not rule anyone out, as I learned (Darren drinks Modelo, FYI).
Natalie Jane Hill went on first, and blew us all away. she's quiet but not frail, her songs are sparse but not lacking in any way. Holden, Mike and I kept looking at each other in amazement. after her set I said she reminded me of Toni Childs (from the very early 1990s), and they thought she was more like Joni Mitchell and a few other 60s artists I'd not heard of. She was super-introverted on stage, not sure how to make stage banter happen, and getting flustered when she had to spend a few minutes tuning her guitar. an audience member helpfully shouted out something like "how about the weather?" and that broke the tension. I feel like a brash bull in a china shop compared to her.
After Darren's set, goodbyes said, records in hand, I hobbled back to the parking garage and headed back to the house. i was worried about the resident dog freaking out, but it turns out its the other dog, the pug, that's the asshole dog. resident dog was super-chill. getting up the stairs was a challenge in my stompy shoes, and I tripped at least once. To their credit, a photo of the VERY steep and VERY shallow stairs was included in the listing. It's easy to overlook that little stuff. in my room, I couldn't sleep. I decided that Friday would be a lazy day, so I slept in, and stayed in my jammies until lunchtime at least. Again, I had the whole day to fill. I took another jaunt down to Chapel Hill, wanting to visit the German bakery and see more of the UNC campus. The German bakery was lovely, and the gentleman who helped me was quite happy to chat. He told me about where in NYC they get there authentic german meats and such, and he let me take a photo of the label so I could share it with my family back home. Friday afternoon on Campus was pretty busy - it was warmer than the day before, and sunny, so everyone was out and about enjoying it. I sort of got off track, and then my phone lost its connection, so I just blindly drove around until I found a highway pointing to Durham. At one point I was out in the Research Triangle area, where it was strangely quiet, but clearly secluding Big Tech Stuff. I noted how many lanes there were, and decided that working down there would probably be a bit insane. Never have I seen non-interstate roads four lanes wide in each direction as the norm. That road between Durham and Chapel Hill was a full contact sport, the likes of which I have never encountered. I don't remember New Jersey being this challenging!
After eventually finding my way back to the house, i chilled in my room for a bit, and then decided I wanted dinner out somewhere, but something where I could read or knit and just process what I'd experienced. I was feeling pretty emotional and trying to keep it in check. I settled on a Panera nearby, not realizing the type of area it was in, or remembering it was a beautiful Friday night. on my way out, a friend of the hosts dropped by with her new puppy, and asked me to fetch Kim, so I did. Told her there was a four-legged someone outside to meet her, and even though she'd just got in the house, she high-tailed it out there to meet the little guy. Well, not so little. He was an akita, I believe, a rescue, and was trying SO HARD to be good! she'd only had him 2 weeks, and was happy with what little progress they'd made. Several other neighbors went by with dogs, and I fell in love with the neighborhood all over again.
At Panera, I found the whole area crazy, but managed to find a handicap spot right nearby. I got a sandwich and drink (and probably something sweet) and couldn't find it in me to knit, so I pulled out my Amy Hempel and reread Tumble Home -- the whole book, not just the novella. I added more underlining to the novella, and the whole thing just hit me really hard in light of the past couple days. I kept my shit together for the most part, but I was also relieved to be going home.
Back at the house, I started packing things up for the return trip, and confirmed breakfast plans with Jo. I would meet her in Greensboro about 9, and they'd take me to Biscuitville for that experience, and then I'd head home.
I had failed to check with the hosts about checkout procedures, and felt awful about it. I pulled the towels I'd used together, apart from the ones I did not use, made sure everything else was in place and nothing was left behind, and then left the door open so they'd know I was gone. messaged them later and apologized, and they seemed to be OK with it. Hauling my crap out took two trips, and those steep stairs and too-heavy suitcase about did me in. Made it to Greensboro a few minutes behind schedule, which was fine. Jo and I rode with Martha, and Martha's sister rode with Martha's husband, and the five of us descended on Biscuitville. Jo likes the Country Ham. I got an egg/bacon/cheese biscuit, and a strawberry muffin for later (so. many. pink. crumbs!). We said our goodbyes, and I headed west to Winston-Salem, then north, then northwest, back to Ohio. The drive back was easier, since I sort of knew what to expect. I lost my signal again, but not in the same spot. After filling up in Greensboro on the way down, and then again on the way out of town (having driven 100 miles or so just between Durham and Chapel Hill), I filled up one last time just after crossing into Ohio. That tank of gas then lasted me 5 weeks or so.
First, this was the first solo road trip ever. Every other trip I've taken has either been with someone else, or for the purpose of visiting someone else. On this trip, there was no one expecting me on the other end; I was on my own.
Second, this is the first trip I've planned out by myself. Yes, the whole thing was a bit crazytrain, and I didn't do even a fraction of things I wanted to, and some things didn't go my way, but overall, it was wonderful and only made me want to do more of this!
The drive down was only eventful in that I encountered construction, and a couple VERY hungry potholes. northern VA had one that was the outer third on each side of the left lane, which had taken out TWO semis and a handful of passenger cars. I feel VERY fortunate that I was not a victim. I only had one near-miss with rest stops, and quickly learned to stop when I can, and not wait until it's critical. I'd packed my cooler and a bag, so I really didn't need to stop for food. Jo prepared me for the $4.25 cash only tolls in WV - three each way! - so I was prepared for that. I also had the foresight to download music from Bandcamp to my phone so when I lost my signal in the mountains, I had backup music to listen to. I also had my maps, Delorme, and AAA TripTik for directions, but I was good with just following highway signs until the last bits.
By our strange luck, Jo was going to be in Greensboro that whole week! And she was amenable to meeting for lunch/dinner on my way through. Construction and stops put be behind schedule at least two hours, so it was dinnertime when I finally landed at her friend's house. We hit a little Mediterranean place, and I stuck with hummus and pita, anxious to get on the road.
I pulled up to the house at dusk, cutting it right at the updated 9pm arrival time I'd given the hosts. There wasn't a "too late" time, but I didn't want to be rude. Lovely old neighborhood with huge trees and fantastic homes, lots of people out walking their dogs. I got there as Kim and Mary Ann were also returning, which lessened my stress a LOT. I was an amazing bit of luck - their yard was full of signs supporting LGBTQ+, reproductive and racial rights. they both drove Subarus, and clearly worked with animal rescue. I was amongst my people. I could be myself and not worry one bit. Mary Ann grabbed my suitcase and hauled it upstairs like it was nothing, and showed me around.
After finding the venue in Downtown Durham during my research, I knew I wanted to stay somewhat close, knowing the show would be late. Turns out everything in downtown Durham is way out of my price range ($400/night? yeah, no.). I looked at motels further afield, but either the reviews were super scary, or they were so far out that I didn't like that idea. So I went the Airbnb route. I found this adorable room with shared bathroom just a few minutes from downtown for a really, really great rate. I booked 3 nights, and with fees and such it was about $185. I wasn't thrilled by sharing a bathroom, but that ended up being a non-issue, as was there being another guest there in the yellow room. She was at a conference, and I only heard her moving around once. The room was just as pictured, and opening the windows made it nice and breezy and pleasant.
The hosts had a minifridge stocked with yogurt, fruit and other snacks, plus the fixings for cereal, tea, and coffee. there was no microwave, so I planned accordingly. Having First Breakfast foods available was quite welcome, as I was a bit of a slow starter Thursday and Friday mornings. I did put some of my drinks and such in the fridge, and left a note of what was mine. Later I realized what I thought were ice packs in the freezer were actually bags of breast milk the other guest had been pumping. At that point I realized I probably had no worries about her taking my stuff.
Thursday was concert day, but it was way later that night, so I had the whole day to fill. I got dresses, found the venue after passing under the Can Opener Bridge, which was on my list! hooray! I pointed the car to Chapel Hill, as most of what I wanted to see or do was down that way, and got to experience Triangle Traffic. o.0 First stop was Rise for breakfast, and what turned out to be my only meal of the day. I guess their biscuits AND loaded tots was too much? urp. From there is was mostly driving. On down into Chapel Hill proper, down Rosemary and around to Cat's Cradle, then on out to Isley St where i only slowed a tiny bit, and did not dare to stop, after not one but two people had just been killed in the previous weeks for knocking on the wrong door or pulling into the wrong driveway (not in NC, but still - my only after-dark venture was the return from the concert). Next up was Flyleaf books, because I could. Picked up some little things, and ordered a book to be signed by the author, to be shipped to me later. I'd meant to do that ahead of time to pick up when I got there, but kept second-guessing myself. This was one of many stops where I mentioned why I was in town, and it turned out that no one really cared. I was half a mile from where BFF wrote and recorded their best album, and ambivalence was the best I could get? Maybe this is a "me" problem?
I drove around a bit more, and was beginning to hit the wall, so I headed back to the house and decided a short nap would be a good idea. Terrified of over-sleeping, I set multiple alarms. I didn't really sleep, but rested and drifted and low-key regretted my second breakfast decisions. All rested, I showered and got ready for the show. I did my hair as best I could with dollar store mousse (having forgot to bring any hair product at all), then suited up in blue jeans, my "I'm with the Banned" tee, yellow plaid flannel, and stompy shoes (Dr Martens) with mis-matched socks. No one would see the socks, as my jeans are quite long even with the extra sole of the stompy shoes, but there's something about mismatched socks that makes me smile. I still had a while to go, though. I had visions of a block-long line to get in the door and full-up parking garages, but that ended up not being an issue. I'd downloaded and set up the app for Durham parking, but it turned out DPAC had an event going, so I got to pay the event parking price - in cash! Glad I thought to tuck that extra $10 in my phone.
Cane was not optional for this, and I decided early on that I would be unapologetic about it. it's no different than needing glasses, right? Darren wears glasses. My only regrets were that she had no name (and still doesn't!), and she was still boring black. I hobbled the half-block from the parking garage to the Pinhook, found no line, and walked into a basically empty venue. sigh. I had my mask at the ready, as the website said they were required, but the guy at the door waved it off - no one else was masked. I pulled up the digital ticket, but didn't need to show ID, and got the wristband. Asked about the show start time, low-key joking about being early. He confirmed the posted start time, but said "they're musicians, they'll go on when they're ready" with the tiniest bit of a smirk. Uh oh. Was Darren going to be like that?
Went to the bar and got a diet coke, deciding against trying to figure out the zero-proof drink menu (and the associated expense - $11+ for a drink?!) the bar ran along the wall on the right side, and there were restrooms (not gender specific) and an office, i think, along the left wall for the front half of the building, and then it opened up into the larger room with the stage at the back. the bar had a handful of stools and a couple tables up front, and the performance area had benches with fixed tables along the left and right walls, and in front of the sound board. at first I sat on the left, then realized with people standing I'd never see the stage. So i got up and sat in front of the sound board. again, I saw a couple tall people milling around (one turned out to be Zach Hegg, part of Darren's band), so I moved to the right wall. Eventually two guys about my age came in and sat at the end closest to the stage. They were clearly friends, and knew Darren. after a bit one of them (Holden) goes downstairs to chat with Darren and came back to report Darren was fine. That's when the conversation happened that led me to meet Darren. After my return from the basement Green Room, Holden and Mike were quite friendly and introduced me to a few other people, like Jay Brown, the bassist. Mike told me about running the Wake Forest Listening Room, but how covid had sort of killed that. (IT LIVES!!) As we waited, more people came in, but it was still a pretty thin crowd - 10 of us total sitting on the right side of the place, maybe another dozen more milling around - it was hard to tell who was in Darren's band (he had four guys with him), who was Pinhook staff, and who were paying customers. Having a beer in hand did not rule anyone out, as I learned (Darren drinks Modelo, FYI).
Natalie Jane Hill went on first, and blew us all away. she's quiet but not frail, her songs are sparse but not lacking in any way. Holden, Mike and I kept looking at each other in amazement. after her set I said she reminded me of Toni Childs (from the very early 1990s), and they thought she was more like Joni Mitchell and a few other 60s artists I'd not heard of. She was super-introverted on stage, not sure how to make stage banter happen, and getting flustered when she had to spend a few minutes tuning her guitar. an audience member helpfully shouted out something like "how about the weather?" and that broke the tension. I feel like a brash bull in a china shop compared to her.
After Darren's set, goodbyes said, records in hand, I hobbled back to the parking garage and headed back to the house. i was worried about the resident dog freaking out, but it turns out its the other dog, the pug, that's the asshole dog. resident dog was super-chill. getting up the stairs was a challenge in my stompy shoes, and I tripped at least once. To their credit, a photo of the VERY steep and VERY shallow stairs was included in the listing. It's easy to overlook that little stuff. in my room, I couldn't sleep. I decided that Friday would be a lazy day, so I slept in, and stayed in my jammies until lunchtime at least. Again, I had the whole day to fill. I took another jaunt down to Chapel Hill, wanting to visit the German bakery and see more of the UNC campus. The German bakery was lovely, and the gentleman who helped me was quite happy to chat. He told me about where in NYC they get there authentic german meats and such, and he let me take a photo of the label so I could share it with my family back home. Friday afternoon on Campus was pretty busy - it was warmer than the day before, and sunny, so everyone was out and about enjoying it. I sort of got off track, and then my phone lost its connection, so I just blindly drove around until I found a highway pointing to Durham. At one point I was out in the Research Triangle area, where it was strangely quiet, but clearly secluding Big Tech Stuff. I noted how many lanes there were, and decided that working down there would probably be a bit insane. Never have I seen non-interstate roads four lanes wide in each direction as the norm. That road between Durham and Chapel Hill was a full contact sport, the likes of which I have never encountered. I don't remember New Jersey being this challenging!
After eventually finding my way back to the house, i chilled in my room for a bit, and then decided I wanted dinner out somewhere, but something where I could read or knit and just process what I'd experienced. I was feeling pretty emotional and trying to keep it in check. I settled on a Panera nearby, not realizing the type of area it was in, or remembering it was a beautiful Friday night. on my way out, a friend of the hosts dropped by with her new puppy, and asked me to fetch Kim, so I did. Told her there was a four-legged someone outside to meet her, and even though she'd just got in the house, she high-tailed it out there to meet the little guy. Well, not so little. He was an akita, I believe, a rescue, and was trying SO HARD to be good! she'd only had him 2 weeks, and was happy with what little progress they'd made. Several other neighbors went by with dogs, and I fell in love with the neighborhood all over again.
At Panera, I found the whole area crazy, but managed to find a handicap spot right nearby. I got a sandwich and drink (and probably something sweet) and couldn't find it in me to knit, so I pulled out my Amy Hempel and reread Tumble Home -- the whole book, not just the novella. I added more underlining to the novella, and the whole thing just hit me really hard in light of the past couple days. I kept my shit together for the most part, but I was also relieved to be going home.
Back at the house, I started packing things up for the return trip, and confirmed breakfast plans with Jo. I would meet her in Greensboro about 9, and they'd take me to Biscuitville for that experience, and then I'd head home.
I had failed to check with the hosts about checkout procedures, and felt awful about it. I pulled the towels I'd used together, apart from the ones I did not use, made sure everything else was in place and nothing was left behind, and then left the door open so they'd know I was gone. messaged them later and apologized, and they seemed to be OK with it. Hauling my crap out took two trips, and those steep stairs and too-heavy suitcase about did me in. Made it to Greensboro a few minutes behind schedule, which was fine. Jo and I rode with Martha, and Martha's sister rode with Martha's husband, and the five of us descended on Biscuitville. Jo likes the Country Ham. I got an egg/bacon/cheese biscuit, and a strawberry muffin for later (so. many. pink. crumbs!). We said our goodbyes, and I headed west to Winston-Salem, then north, then northwest, back to Ohio. The drive back was easier, since I sort of knew what to expect. I lost my signal again, but not in the same spot. After filling up in Greensboro on the way down, and then again on the way out of town (having driven 100 miles or so just between Durham and Chapel Hill), I filled up one last time just after crossing into Ohio. That tank of gas then lasted me 5 weeks or so.
