Just Cyd.

Inspiration for this came from Ordinary Elephant's "A Few Words for Wednesday #111: Left" which is linked below. I believe you'll need to be a Patreon member of theirs to view it.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/few-words-for-120572898

Memories shared are memories extended. There are few tangible reminders of the growing miles racked up: tickets and payments are digital, the tshirt saturation point reached longer ago than I will admit. I don't take many photos, and even fewer selfies, not wanting to spoil the moment, to out myself as fangirl, only out for tickmarks on a hit list. Miles racked up and dollars spent are the best proof I have, if you need proof.

the music rings still in my ears, months later; that chord, that harmony, the rise and fall and breath and hush and all the rough spots that get polished out of the professional recording, but make the live moment so singularly special. Those chords that transport me back to the first time I heard them.

So many moments that are mine and mine alone: Mark Kano apologizing for his voice being off, but still sounding as perfect as they did on the drive in, the only changes being the depth of voice that comes with age. Wes & Barry singing along with CSN on the musak while the Scott dials in the tuning, the night FJ had a family emergency; sitting impossibly, intimately - inappropriately? - close to Pete Damore on stage, seated, in profile, such a youthful face projecting an old soul. Crystal, across from him, expressions holding back nothing, their connection just short of palpable. John Gillespie in his infinite patience, explaining yet another nuance of a song, or instrument, or connection between people I've met, my musical tour guide, BFFs from that first 3-hour breakfast. Darren Jessee - sweet, sensitive Darren - exasperated at crowds not there for him. "Joke's on you," he tells the Asheville crowd, "you bought the ticket." the true punchline is him setting up his kit, drumming for the headliner. The Greensboro crowd, some months later, see him begin to lose his cool, begging them to give him four minutes; I think he got two.

The list goes on. The musicians I now call friends, meeting for coffee or a meal; offering emergency respite in the threat of a winter storm; telling me of a bookings or cancellations before they are announced, knowing I travel so far, so readily. "Can you keep a secret?" one asks, over our usual departure-morning breakfast. Of course; I smile and take in what has clearly been held back for too long, the relief to have a confidante visible in the now-relaxed face. "I'll share some new music with you and only you soon," says another. multiple tries to get a usable file to transfer, both cell numbers and emails shared, no hint of concern of misuse on either end. "Of course I can listen to it now," as I rush to dig earbuds out of my backpack in the hotel. I'm honored beyond words the trust placed in me. Appreciation, reciprocated, returned and repeated, as only Midwest Nice meets Southern Manners can. Mama would be proud.

My brain is brimming with such snippets, if only I could capture them and cram them into jars to pull out when the days are dark. Brainweasels try to wreck the place, but I do my damnedest to keep the memories safe and the brainweasels at bay. How can I possibly run out of memories, when they keep piling up? Will next week's triple-header somehow replace a long-past show? will I someday forget how I cried through "Landed," the second song played at my first Ben Folds concert in 2010? Can anything overshadow the brief but close connection with Darren Jessee, discussing Amy Hempel at that GA show, my fifth that year? our mutual surprise that I picked well, impressing his friends, or was it just the Buffalo Trace bourbon that bought his favor? the smiles, the small waves, the "hey, good to see you!" and "omigosh you really made the drive??" at the sight of me walking in the door of any given venue. The pride of Don Fucking Dixon talking to me from stage mid-set, introducing me to the group assembled in Cat's Cradle Back Room on a winter's night when the rest of the Triangle shut down. Him greeting me with a hug and kiss on the cheek as he breezed onto stage, thrilled that I was making the most of the crazy Friday night. life-long friends the second time we meet.

Can I turn that box full of empty Bonne Maman jars into my own little pensieve, and tuck away what's most precious to me? What shelf will be out of reach of the brain weasels until we can dial in the right mix of magic and meds? what needs to be given up to keep something new? how can I make room for the notebooks and research I'll need to get Jeffrey's story told, without losing too much of myself? Who can I trust to help me pluck my claws out of the tangled mess of 50-plus years of not living, but just existing? I'm only just now beginning to live, and I don't want to waste a minute more

A couple months ago, I posted about my NY trip, and had an asterisk with "more on this later" in the tale. Well that situation keeps popping up, so I guess it's time to hash it out.

I was a bit perturbed that I learned about Darren's NY shows from Spotify, not any of his socials. In fact, it took a couple days before any of it hit his socials. The venues may have announced them before he did. Then, I got back from NY and knew he was playing AVLfest that first weekend in August, but couldn't find ANY details. it was like the day before that he finally shared he was playing Thursday evening, basically the first shows of the fest (multiple venues), so if you didn't know he was going to be there, you had literally NO warning or time to get there.

AVLfest was pretty much out for me, as the wristbands were $100, plus getting there and staying there and all that. Didn't know at first they'd have shuttles around town, so even just getting around felt like it'd be too much for me.

in the midst of all this, all I could think was "he needs someone to handle his social media. he needs ME to handle his social media!" I've mentioned his poor social-media communication to a couple friends, and they have both said he could benefit from my mad skillz. Given things Darren said in his show last weekend, and in an old interview (back when MySpace was a thing), he really dislikes being on the computer/phone.

Jo is curious how I could leverage SalesForce to manage bands (she's a SalesForce administrator) and Ben says he would greatly benefit from my organizational skills. I laugh at that, as I look at the state of my house, but at the same time, I'm once again working as an event planner for a friend, and kickin' butt and takin' names to boot.

No idea what/how to charge for something like this. I do know that when I approach him, I'll have done my homework. my dream would be to also work the merch table at shows and in general free him up to do what he loves to do (play/write music) while ensuring he keeps up a social presence so he's not lost to oblivion.

So yes, I've been mulling this over for months. and yes, I think there'll be an email going out to him soon.

One of those traits (annoying or telling, you decide) I've had since childhood is the need to make lists and catalog things, and to do it in such exacting detail that it's all but impossible to maintain.

Of all of those various lists and catalogings, I find occasionally that I really DO want to know how on earth I ended up at a particular website/article/book/song. You see, my friends and I like a bit of a sport with one-upping one another with the weird and wacky, and sometimes my contributions are so far out in left field that I have to cite my sources or, rather, show how I got there.

With books, I finally created tags in Goodreads that say "rec-xxxxx" for the person or source (NPR) of the book. Because with 1400 books marked as "want to read" I need to know WHY I want to read this, too.

FUN FACT: I began logging the books I read back in February 1995 while working at a Casino in Atlantic City, NJ. They told me to bring a book when they hired me, as there was a lot of down time. Cashiers and bartenders would swap books, but I found I'd get partway through a book only to realize I'd already read it. So out came the little hardback notebook, and The List began. 100 books read between Feb 1995 and July 1996. Yep, I had a lot of down time.

Lately, it's music that is the Big Thing, and I have no real way of documenting how I find these people, at least not easily. So, here is the Quick and Dirty Daisy Chain Of Rabbit Holes that Led Me to Getting a Facebook Post Liked By Mike Garrigan:

1 Ben Folds Five --> 2 Hotel Lights --> 3 Darren Jessee --> 4 Nic Brown --> 5 Athenaeum --> 6 Mark Kano --> 7 Mike Garrigan

Simple, eh? No? OK, let me explain:

1-3
Last August, I was still working in the office full-time, in an office with a door I kept shut (bliss!). I needed music to keep my brain happy, so spotify was my friend. I got a hankering for Ben Folds Five, so I dug into their catalog and re-discovered their awesomeness. Dug into YouTube as well, and at the end of the Ben Folds Five - Live at UNC Memorial Hall, 2008 ('Front to Back' Reunion), Ben introduces the drummer as "Darren Jessee of Hotel Lights" and my ears perked up. A few of the YouTube concerts had comments mentioning Darren's solo work, but this band name was new to me. Dug into YouTube and found his songs and actual videos. It was pretty much an instant switch from BFF to DJ right then and there.

3-4
Began following Darren on All The Socials, and he mentioned an upcoming album, etc. He doesn't post much, but Instagram stories are the most common. One was just a photo of a book, which looks interesting. I get the book from the library and read it in one sitting, had a bit of a cry, read it again (and then later the audiobook because why not?). Followed Nic on Instagram, and learned Nic's wife Abby did the cover art for Darren's newest album.

4-5
Most of the time spent with Nic's book I was focused on the career shift stuff, not that he was in a band. HE WAS IN A BAND. IN CHAPEL HILL. Darren is mentioned both IN the book and in the acknowledgements at the end. Said band had a moderately successful late-90s hit. after too many weeks, I finally realized I needed to look up this band. Athenaeum. Found their hit song from their 20 year reunion show" in 2018, and the second that singer opened his mouth, it was all over. who is this man, and where has he been hiding. Turns out that's Mark Kano, the very Mark Kano that Nic started this band with back when Nic was still a very young teen. That's a voice with depth and range and damn where was I when this band was popular?? oh. right. Dig thought the Tubes of You, and get my paws on pretty much everything this band has released. sweet!

5-6
And while digging up All Things Athenaeum, I learn that Mark Kano has done solo work. Similar to Athenaeum, but more mature in other ways. Vocally, this dude's got range and potential - almost reminds me of someone who had done musical theater/broadway. quickly downloaded his stuff from Bandcamp

6-7
in watching Athenaeum, I noticed the other guitarist also sings, and seems to hold his own. Took a while to realize the guy in the early videos is one guy (Grey Brewster) and the bald guy in the later videos/reunion show is another (Mike Garrigan). On Bandcamp, Mark goes so far as to recommend Mike. so I check out Mike, and am immediately bowled over by his song Satellites. after a bunch of listens, I was prompted to buy the damn songs already, so I did. And last night, I posted to Instagram about it, forgetting that insta cross-posts to facebook, and this morning i discovered that Mike Garrigan himself liked that FB post. [just now, snagging the link to the post, I see he liked it on Instagram as well!]

And that, my friends, is how I find myself where I am today.