slowcooke struggle food

It's allegedly winter here in SW Ohio, which is the time to eat all the warm carby coomfort foods. The other day I wanted mashed potatoes, but needed it to be a hands off thing as I was working. Enter the trusty slowcooker. I knew my big one was going to be too big and inefficient for this job, so Idug t the 1qt one gave it a shot.

Pro: a 1qt crockpot with removable crock was the perfect size
Con: this one has one temp setting - ON - and is known to burn foods.

Peeled and diced up a couple-three fist-sized potatoes, plopped them in the crock covered in water, and left them in the fridge overnight. In the morning, Idrained the water, rinsed and refilled the crock with hot tap water, and let it sit on the counter to warm up. I didn't want the cold crock to crack when the heat was applied. About 8am i got things going. At the 1.5 hour mark, things were just warming up. At the 3.5 hour mark, we had actual simmering with bubbles, but still too-al-dente-for-mashing cubes. At the 5 hour mark, the dramatacally shattered when stabbed with a fork, so Idrained and mashed them with butter and cream and pink salt.

The crock was pretty much full with the water, and once drained and mashed, Ihad two very generous or four normal sized servings. A+ will nom again.

ok, Pantone, spill it

If envy is green, and sadness is blue, and anger is red, what is despair? Lonliness? Jealous rage that you have no business harboring but you do anyway because on the scale of Elsa to Javert, you make him looks like a well-adjusted member of society.

What color is the emptiness of holding onto things that you hope will be, maybe, someday, despite all evidence to the contrary? I've spent 2023 living my best life, but there's still a chasm inside me.

"Will that be enough
when you get what you want
Will that be enough
Will you be alright
If you let me go"

Darren Jessee asks in his song Will That Be Enough (Central Bridge 2023, Bar/None Records)

But what if you don't know what you want? You head towards something, and you start getting close, and realize "nope, not this. Not now."? Then what? I'm awash in a sea of dishwater grey and dull beige, not enough bold enough to be the puke brown you get when you mix all the colors together. So much is missing, there's no color to stand out.

I'm dragging my feet on some things, barging ahead in other things, putting my eggs in the wrong baskets and hoping like hell I can somehow limp through another month of dodging overdue bills and avoiding rage-quitting my job while somehow finding a new therapist & psychiatrist and then convincing them that the meds are maybe not working so well after all because who in their right, adequately-medicated mind would be suffering the brain weasels and dark thoughts that never.go.away.

Lack of ticket info has me reluctant to make he trek to Carrboro for Darren's Jan 19th show, and lack of funds pretty much cements it. But there are two events in April i will be attending, and I wonder if this time will be the time I just don't come back?