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the call is coming from inside the house
Mar. 31st, 2025 08:59 pmpicked up my chromebook tonight to write about something else, but now that my fingers are on the keys, they want to talk about something else:
My dad is a creep.
No, really, like, if he wasn't my 80 yr old father, and if I didn't have 50+ years of this, I'd be taking possibly-legal steps to keep him the fuck away from me and mine.
Last week, my brother, SIL and kids were in FL. Nephew A had baseball spring training with his HS team in FL, and the rest of the fam flew down to spend spring break in FL, watch his games, and have a little breather. Nephew N busted up his knee for the 2nd time in as many years, and as of their departure, they didn't know the prognosis (surgery? PT? amputation?*).
Not sure how it came to pass, but dad is on SnapChat. I think he and brother snap each other regularly (dad's tried to snap me; I play dumb and ignore it), probably brother's way of keeping dad informed now that he's essentially housebound. Their first night there, they went out to dinner and brother must've snapped dad. how do I know? because dad sent a screen shot of the snap to the family chat, along with a screen shot of their EXACT LOCATION (using "find my" app?). super freaking creepy, dude.
I learned long ago, the VERY hard way, not to send anything to dad that I didn't want the entire planet to know, after he forwarded an extremely emotionally- and medically-detailed email to everyone in his address book "because they are concerned."
Well, a couple more times during the week it was clear that dad was tracking their/brother's location. When they flew home, there was a rather accusatory text from dad when he couldn't pinpoint their precise location BECAUSE THEY WERE IN THE AIR and brother had to explain that's what happens in Airplane Mode.
This morning, an earlier-than-welcome text from dad says "Childrens. [Name]?" brother snapped dad while at Children's hospital with N for PT. Dad then commented that he saw they were at N's school. all I could think is "WHY ARE YOU STALKING YOUR SON AND GRANDSON???"
so I texted brother & SIL separately and asked if/why dad was stalking them. brother brushed it off. SIL did not, and texted me privately later thanking me for speaking up, because brother didn't understand how creepy and upsetting it was. I guess dad got mad that Nephew A wouldn't share location stuff with dad/Grandpa, and dad doesn't understand why, and seems to think he's entitled to that.
No. Just NO. HELL TO THE NO.
"I just wanna ..."
"I was only ..."
quickly morphs into
"I was just kidding"
"can't you take a joke?"
"what's the big deal?"
"why are you being so touchy/sensitive/whatever?"
can you see where this is going?
This is what I was raised with. This is the how he treated my mother. this is how he treated any woman in his orbit. and when we react, shut him down, he's suddenly the victim, the poor little baby of the family who was just trying to be nice.
like the time he let himself into my house to drop off a knife block that he decided that I wanted/needed. while I was home sick. asleep on the couch. Didn't call first, because why should he - I wasn't supposed to be there! why apologize to ME, who he scared the bejezus out of, because HE was just trying to do something nice for me. within a week of that, my deadbolts were changed, and he DID NOT get that new key. If he wanted access to my house after that and I wasn't home, he had to request it in advance.
How are we (me, SIL, women in general) supposed to live calm, quiet lives when we're constantly under attack with these little micro-aggressions? some of these aren't so little, and the never stop. A single incident, an innocent slip, ok, fine. we went flying past that line oh so many years ago.
*deep breath*
There's more. so much more. because it never ends.
______
*I'm not making light of the need for amputation. I've had chronic hip/back pain since I was a teen. chronic other pain even longer. as a joke, I always suggest "amputation" to keep some humor in what is usually not funny, or just old ("lose weight and exercise!")
My dad is a creep.
No, really, like, if he wasn't my 80 yr old father, and if I didn't have 50+ years of this, I'd be taking possibly-legal steps to keep him the fuck away from me and mine.
Last week, my brother, SIL and kids were in FL. Nephew A had baseball spring training with his HS team in FL, and the rest of the fam flew down to spend spring break in FL, watch his games, and have a little breather. Nephew N busted up his knee for the 2nd time in as many years, and as of their departure, they didn't know the prognosis (surgery? PT? amputation?*).
Not sure how it came to pass, but dad is on SnapChat. I think he and brother snap each other regularly (dad's tried to snap me; I play dumb and ignore it), probably brother's way of keeping dad informed now that he's essentially housebound. Their first night there, they went out to dinner and brother must've snapped dad. how do I know? because dad sent a screen shot of the snap to the family chat, along with a screen shot of their EXACT LOCATION (using "find my" app?). super freaking creepy, dude.
I learned long ago, the VERY hard way, not to send anything to dad that I didn't want the entire planet to know, after he forwarded an extremely emotionally- and medically-detailed email to everyone in his address book "because they are concerned."
Well, a couple more times during the week it was clear that dad was tracking their/brother's location. When they flew home, there was a rather accusatory text from dad when he couldn't pinpoint their precise location BECAUSE THEY WERE IN THE AIR and brother had to explain that's what happens in Airplane Mode.
This morning, an earlier-than-welcome text from dad says "Childrens. [Name]?" brother snapped dad while at Children's hospital with N for PT. Dad then commented that he saw they were at N's school. all I could think is "WHY ARE YOU STALKING YOUR SON AND GRANDSON???"
so I texted brother & SIL separately and asked if/why dad was stalking them. brother brushed it off. SIL did not, and texted me privately later thanking me for speaking up, because brother didn't understand how creepy and upsetting it was. I guess dad got mad that Nephew A wouldn't share location stuff with dad/Grandpa, and dad doesn't understand why, and seems to think he's entitled to that.
No. Just NO. HELL TO THE NO.
"I just wanna ..."
"I was only ..."
quickly morphs into
"I was just kidding"
"can't you take a joke?"
"what's the big deal?"
"why are you being so touchy/sensitive/whatever?"
can you see where this is going?
This is what I was raised with. This is the how he treated my mother. this is how he treated any woman in his orbit. and when we react, shut him down, he's suddenly the victim, the poor little baby of the family who was just trying to be nice.
like the time he let himself into my house to drop off a knife block that he decided that I wanted/needed. while I was home sick. asleep on the couch. Didn't call first, because why should he - I wasn't supposed to be there! why apologize to ME, who he scared the bejezus out of, because HE was just trying to do something nice for me. within a week of that, my deadbolts were changed, and he DID NOT get that new key. If he wanted access to my house after that and I wasn't home, he had to request it in advance.
How are we (me, SIL, women in general) supposed to live calm, quiet lives when we're constantly under attack with these little micro-aggressions? some of these aren't so little, and the never stop. A single incident, an innocent slip, ok, fine. we went flying past that line oh so many years ago.
*deep breath*
There's more. so much more. because it never ends.
______
*I'm not making light of the need for amputation. I've had chronic hip/back pain since I was a teen. chronic other pain even longer. as a joke, I always suggest "amputation" to keep some humor in what is usually not funny, or just old ("lose weight and exercise!")
