Just Cyd.

Why do I have to be the bigger person? can't I, just once, be small, vulnerable, cared-for and looked-after while I break down without restraint? Why do I have to be the one to keep my shit together, and check in on everyone else?

I send texts and postcards, silly nonsense that says "i'm still here, still thinking about you," and while I'll get acknowledgement, a thanks, It's never my turn for happy mail, a ridiculous meme I've never seen before.

The times I have asked for help, the results are mixed. a former friend ripped me to shreds because the help I asked for included cosmetic things like removing wallpaper border. Good riddance to that black hole.

I want someone to say "I see you are struggling" and follow it up with actionable things. I want someone to notice anything at all.